☥ How To Make: Kale Chips

People are always asking me for recipes via twitter, so I figured I’d post the (ridiculously simple) process of making my favourite snack: kale chips.

I know that a lot of you think that kale is really gross, but let me tell you some facts: One cup of kale contains 36 calories, 5 grams of fiber, and 15% of the daily requirement of calcium and vitamin B6, 40% of magnesium, 180% of vitamin A, 200% of vitamin C, and 1020% of vitamin K. It’s also a good source of minerals like copper, potassium, iron, manganese, and phosphorus. This stuff is so good for you, and when you bake it, it tastes like the most heavenly substance on Earth.

Do you ever O.D. on potato chips and then spend the next hour weeping and clutching your guts in the fetal position, moaning about how you’ve made a terrible mistake? I just made a bunch’s worth of kale chips, and I’m ready for another 3 rounds. I could eat like a pound of these and still feel good enough to fight a troll. They are super light and surprisingly flavourful. They taste absolutely nothing like greens, so even veggie-haters can dig ’em. Finally- they are super easy to make, which is perfect because when I’m fiending a snack, I want the creation process to be as quick and painless as possible.

You will need:

 Kale

 Extra Virgin Olive Oil (E.V.O.O.)

 Salt

 Large bowl

 Baking pan

 Tongs

 Special Helper Optional

Method:
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☥  Get yourself some kale. Wash it, clip the ends of the stalks with scissors and store it upright in a container of water in the fridge until you’re ready to use it. Pat the leaves with a paper towel to make sure they’re pretty dry.

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☥  Pre-heat the oven to 185°C/375°F and remove the central vein from the kale with a knife. Tear your kale up into salad-sized pieces and put them in your big bowl.

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☥  Drizzle some E.V.O.O.  on the kale. You can mix it with your hands, but I always make a giant mess when I do that, so I’ve come to use tongs. Spread the pieces out on your baking sheet, not too close together, but not too far apart. Sprinkle however much salt you want on them. At this point, you can also top them with cayenne, parmesan, cumin, or whatever other spices you’re feeling. They can be flavoured any way you want! Stick those babies in the oven and wait for 12-15 minutes.

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☥  In the meantime, check on your Special Helper, without whose help, you’d never get this difficult task done! My Special Helper is Nicolas Cage, my cat.

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☥  Nicolas Cage is always hissing at the neighbour’s cats, because she is a grouch.

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☥  Take your chips out of the oven and they should be crispy and delicious! They are much more frail than regular potato chips, so they’ll crumble if you’re not careful. Go ahead. Put one in your mouth. It’s like eating crunchy, savory air.

If you’re like me, you might want to double-check that you’ve turned the stove off. A word of caution- you’ll want to brush your teeth after eating these if you plan on going out somewhere afterwards. These things get stuck in your teeth like it’s nobody’s business. And that’s it! Go forth and make your own snacks. Share them with your friends. Say no to crappy corner-store food. Give your body something that is not slowly giving you cancer.

And as always, be good to each other.

☥ DIY Bone Processing

Sorry for potato
Sorry for potato

I recently processed some bones for use in crafting, and a few people have asked how I did it. I didn’t really document the process because the only camera I have is on my phone, and frankly, it’s not the best of quality (see above). Luckily for you, this is an incredibly simple process, and if you’re willing to take the time to do it, you’ll have some nice results!

You will need:

Water

Bones

Baking soda

Pots

10 Vol Hydrogen Peroxide (standard stuff that you can find at the drug store)

Colander

Heat source

I like this method because it’s cheap, easy, repurposes materials that would otherwise go in the garbage, and everything you need is more than likely going to be right in your kitchen.

Method:

 Find some bones. Mine were obtained from the carcass of our Easter turkey that I was boiling for soup stock. Making your own food from scratch is cool, and I suggest you try it. You can obtain your bones from things as simple as chicken wings, or you could go out and find some roadkill or search for bones in a nearby forest if you’re feeling particularly adventurous. Please don’t kill anything for this though! Just use whatever is available.

 Cut off any excess flesh you can with a knife to quicken the process.

 If your bones are from something you wouldn’t really like to make food with, ie. chicken wings and roadkill, skip this step and go right to the next point. If you’re making stock like I was, put your carcass/remnants in a big pot with lots of water and 2 teaspoons of vinegar, bring it to a boil, then let it simmer for about 4-5 hours, and you’ll be halfway to soup! Once your stock is done, strain it into another pot and pick out whatever bones you’d like to use with some tongs, because this stuff is hot and you will burn yourself if you don’t.

 If your materials are derived from something less-than-fresh, you might want to consider doing this stuff outside on a hotplate, your BBQ’s side burner, or even a fire pit. Remember to always wear latex gloves when you are working with dead animals, and make sure that it’s legal in your area to be doing what you’re doing, if you’ve gone and picked up something dead from the road or forest. The smaller your bones are, the easier they will break. Boiling weakens them significantly, so the smaller they are, the less time you should have them on for. Smaller bones should take maybe 1.5 hours at most. Something with a bit more heft like a cow bone might take much longer. It’s all down to your discretion, check every half hour or so to see how they’re doing. What we’re aiming for is sterilization, the loosening of tissues, and the removal of oil, which will cause your bones to deteriorate over time.

 At this point, you should have either your pre-boiled stock bones, or your everything else bones, or both. Get a small pot that can fit them without having too much extra space. Fill it 3/4 of the way with water, and add a few heaping spoonfuls of baking soda. This will help destroy any lingering tissue. Bring it to a boil, then turn off the heat and let it sit for about half an hour. Stir it up, turn the heat back on to just about boiling, then repeat the process as many times as necessary. This should leave you with some nice clean bones!

Remove your pot from the hot burner, dump the bones into a colander and rinse everything off with lukewarm water, including the pot.

 If you’re a perfectionist like I am, you can also wash your bones in warm water with soap at this point, to get any leftover tissue off. Dry them off in a towel.

Put the bones back in the pot and pour in as much 10 vol. hydrogen peroxide as you need to cover most of your bones. If a few pieces poke out, don’t worry about it. Let them sit for about 10 minutes and then flip them around to ensure even coverage. Repeat until they are white to your liking.

Rinse the peroxide off, dry them in the sun or with a towel, and enjoy your lovely new trinkets! They can be painted, used for jewelry,  simply kept as is, or used for whatever else might tickle your fancy.

This is by no means the best way to go about processing bones, and I am most definitely not an authority on this kind of thing. This is simply the method I put together to suit my needs and means, after some researching about the subject on the internet. If you have any questions, this FAQ from The Boneman will be able to answer them better than I could. Make sure you clean everything you used properly; with warm water, soap, and bleach if necessary!

Be good to each other, be creative, repurpose everything you can, and don’t go out and hurt any animals to do this!!!